You want me to put a what? Up your where?

Me: I'm sorry, what did you just say?

Him: Figging

Me: Figging?

Him (slowly now): Yes, figging.

Me: Not frigging?

Him: No, not frigging, figging.

Me: Not fingering?

Him (sighing): Not frigging, fingering fucking, or flying. I said figging. Obviously you've never heard of it.

Me: Is it obvious?

Him: Would you like to know what it is?

Me: I dunno, I'm afraid now.

Him: It's pain free.

Me: Oh good.

Him: For you.

Me: ...oh.

Him: It's where you take a hot pepper and put it in a guy's butt.

Me: Ow!

Him: Yeah.

Me: Ow!

Him: It's not so bad. It burns some, but it feels good.

Me: Ow!

Him: You mentioned that.

Me: Ok, I suppose I can do that. Just one thing though?

Him: Yeah?

Me: Why is it called figging?

Him: I don't know. Do you need to know that in order to do it?

Me: Well, quelling my curiosity *would* help me focus...

Him: I trust you'll manage.

Me: My curiosity is burning like a hot pepper up the ass.

Him: Are we going to do this or not?

Me: Sure.

Him: Why do I hear clicking in the background? You're typing aren't you? You're looking it up!

Me: Hmmm?

Him: Ok fine, what did you find out about figging?

Me: Well, wikipedia says it's " a sexual practice involving the insertion of a prepared "finger" of ginger root or even pepper into the anus. The burning sensation is said to induce intense pleasure. The technique is used by some practitioners of BDSM."

"The practice is sometimes said to have originated in a preparation technique for show horses, where an irritating "fig" would be inserted into their anus to induce them to hold their tail high. Others claim that Victorian corporal punishment methods sometimes involved figging to further humiliate and chastise the culprit, as well as preventing the clenching of the buttocks during caning, birching or flagellation."

Him: Those wacky Victorians. So, are we ready?

Me: But if they use ginger, or hot peppers, it doesn't explain why they called it "figging."

Him: I'm hanging up now.

Me: Wait! I'm sorry. I'll be good, I promise. I'll fig you silly and I'll even wear some hot victorian lingerie while I do it, how's that?

Him: Better.

Me: You don't mind if I call you Newton as I do it do you?

Him: Newton?.. (sigh) Ok, I get it, fig Newton. You know what? I've changed my mind.

Me: You want to use the ginger root?

Him: No, actually I think I'd get more satisfaction from doing it to you now. You could obviously use some discipline.

Me: Wait, I'm sorry. No more jokes, I promise.

Him: Too late. Now be still, this will only hurt alot.