50 Things About Me No One Needs To Know

Like the man behind the curtain of the Great and Powerful Oz, I hide behind my voices and pick up lines. Because I like you, I'm going tell you a few things about me that are actually true. I wouldn't expect too much enlightenment though, I wouldn't want to tell any truths that would stick.


1. I'm tall.
   
2. Really tall.
   
3. I've only ever seen two or three women taller.
   
4. I'm adopted.
   
5. It was obvious, my parents were short.
   
6. I met my birth mother when I was 28.
   
7. I was shocked to learn that she's kind of short too.
   
8. I thought she had the wrong person until she told me my father
   was 6'7".
   
9. I was the youngest of six siblings.
   
10. Until I was 28, when I learned I had a younger blood brother.
    
11. Now I never know which part applies to me when I see articles about
    the affect of birth order on one's personality.
    
12. I'm clumsy and accident prone.
    
13. I've been injured in car, motorcycle, dirt bike, bicycle,
    skateboard, rollerblading, and horseback riding accidents.
14. Oh, and I fell of a pogo stick once
    
15. I once had amnesia and short term memory loss for two days
    following a fall from my horse.
    
16. It was great, everything I owned was new to me.
    
17. I was very excited to learn I had a horse.
    
18. Because of the short term memory loss, I was excited to learn I
    had a horse about every ten minutes.
    
19. Given my proclivity for accidents, my paralyzing fear of flying
    seems sensible.
    
20. I didn't lose my virginity until a few years after high school.
    
21. But I graduated pretty early.
    
22. I've had sex when I didn't feel like it, just to burn the
    calories.
    
23. I've had sex when I didn't feel like it, just to end a boring date sooner.
    
24. When I was fifteen, I secretly listened to Culture Club.
    
25. I think these lists are shallow exercises in narcissism.
    
26. I like to think I'm self-aware.
    
27. I'm aware of my latent narcissistic tendencies.
    
28. I have a daughter who's everything I wanted to be as a child.
    
29. I have a son who's everything I actually was.
    
30. Sometimes, I hate Karma.
    
31. Considering I was an orphan until I was five, I think Karma
    fucking owes me.
    
32. I have a small, strawberry birthmark on the inside of my right
    forearm.
    
33. I consider any other identifying marks to be strictly classified
    information.
    
34. I've been on television and in the news a number of times.
    
35. I will never admit to where, when, or why.
    
36. I've been known to say some stupid shit when a camera was pointed
    at me.
    
37. I've never done a tenth of the things I've talked about at work.
38. But I as I've talked about things that aren't physically possible, that's not saying much.
    
39. Until I was trying to conceive, I always practiced safe sex.
40. Which is best, because, by my own standards, I was a slut.
    
41. But I still slept with fewer men than my best friend.
42. But I think Madonna's probably slept with fewer men than my best friend.
    
43. I think that last one wasn't actually about me.
    
44. I don't care.
    
45. I'm getting desperate for things to say.
    
46. I'm this--> <--close to making things up.
47. In my spare time I'm a test pilot for NASA and the world's first
    hare-lipped supermodel.
    
48. I just thought of something else about me.
    
49. I often start things and don't finish them.
    
50.