Gilbert Gottfried's too unsexy for the Taliban

The Boston Pheonix has released a list of the unsexiest men alive and Gilbert Gottfried topped out at number one.

At first glance, it's perfectly reasonable. He's a physically repellant little person with a grating voice and a propensity toward offensive humor. (Rumor has it he's told Holocaust jokes to death camp survivors and once asked a preteen girl if she had pubic hair yet.)

Yes, Gilbert Gottfried is a troll in need of a bridge.

But then I look further down the list and see that to get the number one spot, he beat out Osama Bin Laden. Now, I don't feel any attraction for Gottfried, but it must be said, at least he doesn't look like he has fleas in his beard.

Perhaps I'm a bit predjudiced. I'm an American and a New Yorker. I'm still kind of bitter about the whole 9/11 thing and it no doubt colors my perception of Bin Ladens manly charms. Who knows, maybe his multiple wives actually dig the tall, dark, and psychotic persona and they aren't just victims of a sexist society that treats them like chattel. But I don't get the sense that The Pheonix interviewed many Afghani women anyway.

I'm surprised that American sensabilities would permit anyone to be less attractive than our public enemy number one. Even if he wasn't the orchestator of what is arguably our greatest national tragedy, he would still be skinny and scraggly, with a big nose, hollowed out eyes, and lousy fashion sense.

What's funnier than Gilbert Gottfried being less sexy the Bin Laden, is that he had plenty of company. According to The Pheonix, Randy Johnson, Roger Ebert, Dr. Phil, Alan Colmes, Chad Kroeger and Mike Mills are all less sexy than Osama Bin Laden.

Other amusing notes from the top one forty list:
Jerry Seinfeld is less sexy than Larry David
Ron Howard is ledd sexy than Clint Howard
John Lovitz is less sexy than Chevy Chase, who is less sexy than Chris Kattan, Who is less sexy than Al Franken.

At this point, I'd like to point out that over 30% of all the world's least sexy men have either hosted, acted, written for, or otherwise appeared or contributed to Saturday Night Live. And you know if John Belushi and Chris Farley had lived, they'd be on the list too.

For more than thirty years Lorne Micheals's tryanny of the unsexy has ruled late night television with an iron fist and an ugly stick. What's worse, spin-off movies basedon unnatractive SNL characters have brought the unpleasantness into the daylight.

I guess they weren't kidding when they said comedy isn't pretty. But does it really have to be monkey-butt ugly?

I hope you'll help me do something to end this plague of ugly. Please boycott SNL and their advertisers until they agree to employ only the aesthetically pleasing.

Remember, it's not nice to laugh at ugly people.