Friday, August 18, 2006

Trapped In Chocolate?

The AP wire released a story about a Kenosha Wisconsin man who fell into vat of chocolate. The poor bastard was stuck until rescue workers could blend in enough cocoa butter to thin the goo to a workable consistancy.

I'm smelling a new fetish hitting the phones.

Oh wait, that's mine.

Wednesday, August 02, 2006

Self-fellatio as an art form?

Here I thought all those guys in my Yoga class were either gay, or there to pick up women. I egotistically assumed that if they weren't there to check out my Downward Facing Dog, it was because they already had a little bit of bitch in them.

Turns out some guys are just there training for the oral-masturbation competition in the Sex Olympics.

I don't want you to go thinking this is all about self gratification though. No, not at all. As with so very many personal journeys toward self-sufficiency, this physical manifestation of emotional need (the emotion being lust) has inspired intrepid young artists, and Ron Jeremy, to immortilize their work on film and paper.

A man who signs his messages only as "Self" has created some images of his pursuits that can truly be called artistic. His composition is striking, the lighting mysterious, and the overall tone of his works have a rather sophisticated feel for a man who is pictured with his head almost literally up his ass.

His website http://www.selfellatio.com/ is a gold mine for the D.I.Y kind of guy, with advice and illustrations for getting started and working through the kinks so to speak. There's a helpful group of supportive men, (self-supporting even) who will welcome you into the fold and make you feel a part of the solo-suck community.

To answer the questions I'm guessing are at the front of your mind, no, he's not gay. He has a wife, proving that for some men at least, women *are* good for more than one thing. And yes, he takes all the photos, because he can do that by himself too!

While it doesn't really rise my tide, I hope a lot of men get the hang of it. If they want to savor the feeling, they can let their own jaws get tired and strained.

It could have plenty of other uses too. I can hear it now, "Attention all passengers, the captain has requested you please assume the crash position. You are in no danger, he just thought it would relax you and reduce the instances of air rage. "